Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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