I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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