My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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