we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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