ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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