I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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