Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize