jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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