I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
