that's an acceptable place to lick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I lost the right to judge tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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