i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
