someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
