quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
