So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
