It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
