Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
