At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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