he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Panties = found
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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