So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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