He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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