first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
