did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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