Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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