So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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