We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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