ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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