I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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