Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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