Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
