I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
