the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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