If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
