When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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