guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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