can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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