So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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