apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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