We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
