If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
