Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
