love makes seman taste better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I love you.
Bad choice
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
