people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
