dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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