wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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