i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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