U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
