You made me cry and you don't even care
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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