theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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