the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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