i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
