There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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