I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
