i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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