you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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