Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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