ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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