Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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