I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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