We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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