Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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