I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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