Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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