sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We need to rekindle our bromance
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
