just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
