it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
