people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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