it's like iHOP with fire
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
