If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
