You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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