if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's shark week go big or go home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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