Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
