i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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