well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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