I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
