so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize