My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
