Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
