My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
