Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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