I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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