It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I still have a little drunk in my system
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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