Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
