Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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