You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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