You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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