My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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